Spinning
Wheels Stop
written by
Jeannette
Zink
March 6,
2016
I’m
going to disappoint you. But you knew
that already. That’s how I would talk to myself a few years
ago. As if I were some predictable
social misfit that no other outcome could possibly find its way into my sphere
of promise. This casual exchange was just so cozy and comfy that the roomy
space of acceptance had no competition.
My companion, Disappointment,
knew my ever weakness and insecurity … we were BFFs. Come, sit, let’s chitchat … me and myself.
Disappointment,
good to see you. You are the one thing I can always count
on. You’re like my Wheel of Hope gone
spinning off its freaking rails—traveling a trail covered with the undergrowth
of dead roots and rock hard mistakes.
Good
morning, BFF. I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s time for
you to start clearing out a new path for yourself. A nice, clean untangled path with none of your
mess to be seen for miles.
Maybe I will someday,
Disappointment. Maybe those old worn-out
bad judgment spinning wheels of mine will do just that someday.
See that opening over there. Looks like a good place to start…start clearing
out all that underbrush of missteps.
Clearing out stuff is good for the soul.
Where’re you headed this morning, Disappointment?
See that jagged trail over there with
all the twists and turns, potholes, partially paved but mostly gravel and dirt
road – that’s where I’m headed, that’s the trail I have whittled out for
myself. It took me a few years to clear
that trail, but I finally got it so I could find my way from here to
there. It’s not perfect; but, it gets me
to where I need to be.
I’m not sure where I’m headed, never do
really.
I know where you are headed, BFF. I know all about those spinning wheels of
yours. I know exactly where they are
going to take you. I also know all too
well about that messy clearing over there.
If you don’t mind me saying, BFF, you’ve
got some hard executive-of-your-life decisions to make for yourself. It’s like your very own boardroom of a
defining moment.
What makes you such an expert, Disappointment?
Let’s just keep it simple, and say that my spinning wheels have seen a lot of
mileage, and traveled many paths stocked with jeering detours.
BFF, I know first-hand the back-breaking
hard work that it’s going to take to clear out that trail over there. I know the buckets of disappointment that
will overtake unspoken prayers … maybe
this time things will be different. I
know the potholes that go unrepaired, the speed bumps; the hills and valleys
that pluck each nerve of despair.
Then just when you think there can never
be a day where a smile can kick through all the junk of yesterday-- there comes
along this camel out of nowhere. And,
just like the strong hand of fate made of straw, the straw takes hold of that
camel and pushes him here and there until finally the camel just tosses in the
proverbial camel hair towel. The camel
shouts out … enough, damn fate, I don’t
have to take this; I have had enough! That’s when everything in your life takes on a
renewal … that’s when you have the guts to stand up to yourself! And, perhaps for
the first time, you meet a better, stronger you.
But, Disappointment is my BFF.
I feel safe in my relationship with Disappointment. I can count on my friend to be there for me through thick and thin. I don’t want to disappoint my friend.
The time has come, my friend, to face
facts … you are going to disappoint and you will be disappointed. You will see wonder and you will see
despair. You will trust and you will
question. But, a life worthy of your
grandeur will welcome the friendships of confidence and courage as easily as
once disappointment found its respected place inside the coziness of your
weaker self. Yes, I’m going to disappoint you ... but you knew that already. Now, get up and move on!
Goodbye, Disappointment. It’s finally my time … but you knew that
already.
May courage and compassion comfort and
strengthen our soul; disappointment and despair, the infrequent guest just dropping-off
a life lesson ever so often.
Peaceful journeys, my dear kindred
spirits.
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